


Do It For Me

by orphan_account



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Homophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:58:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8769112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After the triple-homicide, Philip deals with the stress in self destructive ways that cause the people around him to worry. He pushes away everyone's help until someone helps him put himself back together.(Trigger warnings for self-harm, depression, anxiety, panic/anxiety attacks, Homophobia, and alcohol abuse)





	

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philip continues to play the night of the murders over and over again in his mind. He craves some interaction with Lukas, any interaction, but Lukas continues to ignore him.

Philip heard the first two gunshots go off almost simultaneously, a sick sort of song that rang through his ears. He could feel the boards beneath him tremble from the impact of two fallen corpses on the cabin floor. He could see a pair of dead eyes, staring wistfully at him as if the person were remembering a distant family vacation or delightful party.

This was followed by a man, the third man, pleading. “Dude its cool man, it's alright,” He stuttered. “I’m with the FB-” A third gunshot interrupted his words. Three gunshots, three dead bodies hitting the ground, and three seconds of complete silence before the man with the gun lifted up the side of the bed blanket and saw Philip laying there with wide eyes and a lump in his throat. 

The gun rose to be level with Philips head and for that second, He experienced what fear really felt like. It wasn’t the gnawing sensation in his gut that prevented him from telling people he was gay, and it definitely didn’t come close to the feeling of fright he got when being alone in the dark. This new feeling was the utter realization that he was going to die. The bullet locked about that rested about three inches inside the barrel of the handgun would soon be resting three inches into his skull, and that thought alone made his heart stop.

But the next  _ Bang  _ he heard wasn’t of a gun - but rather of Lukas driving a frying pan into the back of the man's skull; and when the man rose his head, Lukas hit him again.

While being pulled out of the cabin by Lukas’ firm grip, he couldn’t help but wonder if the dead stare of the three fallen men on the floor looked similar to his own shocked expression.

* * *

 

“Are you alright bud?” Gabe asked from across the kitchen table. Philip hadn’t realized how long he had been staring down at the eggs and toast in front of him but didn’t bother to feign a smile.

“Yah,” Philip replied, but the bags under his eyes and his lack of appetite said otherwise. He scraped his plate in the trash and headed to the shower where he took his time. It was the only place in the house that he felt truly alone, but that word held a new meaning to him now.

Alone.

Before, he could use it synonymously with sanctuary, or even comfortable, but now it held a bad stigma in his own mind. When he was alone his thoughts began to overwhelm him. The night in the cabin would just play over and over in his mind and he would feel like his chest was caving in on himself. His heart would flutter and it would feel impossible to breathe, but then he would remember Lukas.

He would remember Lukas’ grip on his arm as he dragged him out of the cabin and into the night. He remembered the weight of the gun that Lukas told him to hold, and how he pointed it at the cabin and shot the window as a warning to the attacker still inside. But most of all he remembered the way he wrapped his arms around Lukas’ stomach as they rode off on the motorbike.

Philip changed quickly in his room and walked out to see Helen standing by the door.

“Need a ride to school Philip?” She asked with a smile. It was a kind offer but it seemed too intimate. He already had a mother, and Helen needed to realize that.

“I’m gonna ride with Lukas,” Philip said. The disappointment in Helen’s eyes was clear but she didn’t didn’t say anything.

“See you after then,” She said, putting on a smile - but after so much time in the city, he had no trouble seeing through it, or the masks that others put on to hide their true feelings. In the city, nobody bothered with that.

* * *

 

Even though it had been three days, loud noises still made Philip jump. The door slamming behind him in English had him fall out of his seat, causing a few curious glances to be sent his way. At lunch he sat by himself in the courtyard, listening to sound of the cars. Every car honking was a gunshot, every car door slamming was a frying pan being struck over someone's head - everything he heard triggered a memory from that night and he didn’t know what to do about it.

He made a mental list of his options while sitting there but none appealed to him. He could visit his mom, but he knew he could never tell her the whole truth. He could try to talk to Lukas again, but he’d been ignoring Philip and even punching him to keep him away.

Thinking about Lukas surprisingly didn’t dredge up memories from that night, but rather gave him a warm feeling in his stomach. A tingling. Not for the first time today, he found himself reminded of Lukas’ strong arms and sturdy chest, and even how his own arms wrapped perfectly around Lukas’ torso. 

“Faggot,” Someone mumbled as they walked by him, bringing him out of his thoughts. It was one of the goons that hung around Lukas and Rose, so he didn’t bother retorting. 

He wished he was still with his mom, back in the city, where nobody cared what you were. Philip wasn’t necessarily the type of person to care who knew he was gay, but it made him uncomfortable to know that people hated him for it and that fact alone.

When the bell rang, he spared a last glance at Lukas and found him looking back. He gave Philip a sort of half-smile, something that said ‘I’m sorry’.

But Philip didn’t know what he was saying sorry for: Beating him up in the hallway, or completely ignoring him. Whichever it was, it wasn’t enough.


End file.
